I grew up in a very confining church, with a set of rules and regulations that, when bent, led to a whole lot of judgment. That was never my style and I never felt comfortable judging or being judged for something I thought wasn’t all that bad. Since I’ve grown and had my own opportunity to find my truths, I’ve learned to feel spiritually connected in so many more ways than I ever felt in that brick building surrounded by people looking to damn me. These days, my spiritual connection comes from nature, through hiking, running, paddleboarding, walking next to the ocean, staring at a sunset and listening to music
Recently, an incredible song, that is gaining popularity by the second, has given me that “Hallelujah” feeling like nothing I have felt in a long time.
So much has happened in my life, as with any other 30-something year old woman, I am sure, but I feel like I had to dig my way out of a very large hole and then learn to sustain that way of life without much in the way of examples. None of this is meant to come off as a complaint. I am actually incredibly grateful for all that I have been through because it has shaped me into someone I am pretty fond of.
But let us get back to this song…
I first saw the music video while scrolling Facebook, back in 2017. Watch carefully, this video is magical. I had lost my grandmother in February of that year, and I had no idea the impact on my life this event would have. I’ve lost several people, with whom I was extremely close and I thought I knew then how to deal with grief. This was different. This video hit something in me that I didn’t quite understand. Then I dug a little deeper. As you know by now, I can never stop at a simple solution. My crazy, never ceasing, always searching brain wanted more! So I kept listening and listening until I got some basic understanding of why these words are like church to me.
When I got sick, so much of me was lost to a world of distain, disappointment, discouragement, and certainly distaste! I lost my connection to food and my outlet in exercise and then…I lost a bigger part of me…Hope. There were countless nights that I prayed I wouldn’t wake up the next day. What was the point of putting so much pressure on all the people I loved if this was going to be my quality of life? When I finally stopped the pity party and decided I wasn’t a victim, never had been and never will be, I started to get my life back.
Now, two years later, I am starting to feel things again that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
Macklemore opens the song:
“You know I’m back like I never left
Another sprint, another step
Another day, another breath
Been chasing dreams, but I never slept
I got a new attitude and a lease on life
And some peace of mind
Seek and I find I can sleep when I die.”
Now, I’m back! I feel it, it’s all coming back. Who I am, who I was and who I want to be, it was all there all along and I just had to uncover it again and again and fight for myself and stop apologizing all the time for who I am. This song, man, it says everything!
This is my journey, there are some serious bump, big ass mountains in the way. But I am finally learning to stop seeing them as blocks and to start seeing them as lessons. Changing this mindset and making the decision to stop bitching and moaning about how hard life is, has changed how I see every scenario in my life. Even the small petty things are lessons learned.
The chorus of this song is what really gets you, I dare you to listen to these words and not close your eyes, looking up, picturing the most incredible church chorus, singing, praising, appreciating the life you’ve been given. I cannot help but feel gratitude and, of course, GLORIOUS!
“I feel glorious, glorious
Got a chance to start again
I was born for this, born for this
It’s who I am, how could I forget?
I made it through the darkest part of the night
And now I see the sunrise
Now I feel glorious, glorious
I feel glorious, glorious”
“I said amen and hallelujah, let me testify too
Another morning, a morning, don’t let self get in my way
I got my breath, I got my faith and I remember why I came.”
Pin for Later!